“Our lives unfold like stories, and I’m on to the next chapter. One page at a time…’’
That was the ending of the farewell column I penned for the Orlando Sentinel in June 2005 after 20 years as book critic. The systemic lupus I had battled since 1987 had finally gotten the best of me, forcing me out on disability. It wasn’t just the persistent fatigue and chronic pains of this weird auto-immune disease but the dreaded “lupus brain fog,’’ which made reading difficult and writing nigh impossible. I never knew when the fog would set in and how long it would last, my mind and memory going all misty on me. My attention wanders. I have trouble speaking. My favorite phrase to describe the situation remains “I’m talking with my eyes closed,’’ because that’s the only way to focus.
Skipping ahead several chapters. I still have lupus, am on disability and have bouts of brain fog. But I also have discovered over time that “On a Clear Day I Can Read Forever,’’ or almost. Not as fast (I was a speed demon); not as long (I have to nap several times a day); not as much (I can’t do the book-a-day thing). But I have been reading.
And I miss writing and talking about books. This blog is my attempt to get back in the habit of writing, and not just “in my head.’’
No deadlines. Can’t do those anymore. So I probably won’t post every day, although here at first I’ve stored up a bit while my BBF (best book friend) and tech bunny Rebecca continues my blogging tutorials. I’m self-editing, and I know I’m rusty. Participles may dangle (cringe).
A couple of things. I read mostly fiction – literary, crime, fantasy, YA, chick lit, Southern stuff – along with a few memoirs and essays. Because my reading time is limited, I’m very selective. I’m also erratic. Reading a new book often sends me in search of one I want to re-read. And believe me, I have a lot of books I want to re-read.
I’ll be maintaining an “Open Books’’ policy as to the source of my reading material – if the book’s from my collection, checked out from library, purchased from bookstore, borrowed from friend, or submitted by an author or publisher. I welcome suggestions but please query first by e-mailing me at patebooks (at) yahoo.com
Once a week, I’ll offer “Going, going, gone,’’ in which I’ll list the books I’m culling from my collection and donating to charity or releasing into the wild. I’m going to try to give away at least one gently used book for every new-to-me volume that enters this house. Otherwise, I’ll soon be a candidate for “Hoarders.’’
Now, on to the next page. Join me, please.
On a Clear Day I Can Read Forever 
Enjoyed reading this, and kudos to you. I, too, know what it is like to be able, active, and then felled like a tree by something you did not want. I was in an accident several years ago and lost my right eye. I have not been able to “read” a book for 4 years. (I still have one eye, my left eye, but my vision is not good.) I have become a “book on CD” junkie. Thank the Good Lord for audio books!! Finally, after too many surgeries to count, I can read a little each day. It is just sooooo good to READ a good book again! I also, am on unwilling disability, and thankful for it. My disability has finally become just a part of who I am, and I know I can still be the person God origionally planned for me to be at this time in my life, through His grace.
I have listened to, and now have read a little of, Mary Kay Andrews’ books. I thoroughly enjoy her Southern fluff, and, to be honest, the characters in her books have traveled this dark road with me and made the way considerably lighter. It is good to laugh. Thank you, MKA!
I will visit this blog again, thank you for writing it. Blessings.
Congrats on the new blog. Ms Andrews turned me in this directions. I am excited to see what comes of this.
Hi! I’m so glad to see you sharing your enjoyment of Madeline L’Engle and other books for young people. I think they’re great & and love to read good books in this age group.
I also enjoy The Dark Is Rising series by Susan Cooper!
I have to tell you, you are an inspiration and encouragement to me! Before I lost most of my sight, I was a fairly accomplished artist. I used a wheel, had my own kiln, molds, clay, slip, and loved doing this type of art. Of course, I painted my pieces as well as being creative and mixing my own glazes. I also dabbled with other art forms such as acrylics, oils, watercolors, crarcol, ink, and pastels. And….though I never told anyone, I have always been a “closet writer.” After my accident and the devastation, life change, and depression that followed…I also got hospital aquired MRSA and had to live in isolation for almost 2 years. Only by the Grace of God did I survive it. I suffered some hearing loss and now have rheumatoid arthritis as a side effect of the megasuperbug antibiotics I had to take for an extended period of time to kill the MRSA. I had two major surgeries in December and am now able to see better with my only eye, the lt. eye. I also have a prostesis now for the rt. eye so I do not feel quite so much like a freak. I have had to wait for an extended period of time to have these surgeries and get the prosthesis due to the danger of a recurring MRSA infection. My blood work had to be completely clear for an extended period of time. I did get pneumonia after surgery, but it did not become MRSA, thank God! By leaning into Christ, my depression has lifted. So funny, when I threw out the antidepressant drugs, I stopped being depressed! I started listening to Mary Kay Andrews…in fact, I was listening to one of her books on CD (Savannah Blues) while I was sitting on the deck of my son’s house at Pensacola Bay, looking out at the ocean and drinking in this beautiful world the Lord created, when it occured to me that I can still paint. I do not have to see well, I can take a picture and enlarge it, but to be honest, when I start to paint what I “see” is actually in my mind. Geezz…that had never really occured to me before. The other thing, I am so old that I took typing in highschool and I never look at the keys or read copy when I type. I just type what is in my mind. So….I have taken my “closet writing” to a new level. No, I will never write a world changing novel. My mind runs to entertaining fluff, and that is just fine with me. However, I have never been the super confidant sort, and my disability and disfigurement have delt a stunning blow to my already marginal self esteam. This is a daily battle that I am once again leaning into Christ to overcome. Vanity is gone. It was artifical anyway. Any beauty I have now must come from my soul and be the “real thing.” Reading your story has renewed my courage and strengthened my resolve. I am not really depressed anymore but I am still struggeling with feeling purposful. Reading your blog, and the comments of other readers, I see where your work is so appreciated. I also see how those who knew and read your work before you were striken with illness are so delighted and grateful that you are back. In reading these comments, it occured to me that although you are batteling a devastating illness, YOU are still there, and most likely now an even stronger and more enlightened YOU exists. Then I thought, “ya’know, the ME that is the real ME is still here too….I just haven’t talked to her in awhile.” Thanks for your encouragement.
I remember your last words at the Sentinel and am delighted to know you are again reading and writing one word, one page, one day at a time.
Reading and writing — words — are one of the means by which I have discovered and recovered myself from horrific tragic traumas that happened in my early childhood days. The consequences became a distorted, non feeling, legless journey through life. My present discovery work has been in progress for almost twenty four years. Today, in 2010 January, the real Mary Elizabeth is now beginning to stand up on my own two feet for the first time in my many years of life.
This morning I discovered your digital presence through Scribbles and look forward to reading your blog posts.
My blog has been in limbo for about a year but I expect it will be picking up shortly. Right now I am thoroughly enjoying Ted Kennedy’s TRUE COMPASS.
Thanks for stepping up and out again into the world of words. You’ve been missed and I look forward to reading again your thoughtful, witty, fun words.
Nancy–You know I am “the biggest fan” of you and Caroline Cousins. I look forward to keeping up with you and your blog. Would love to think there is another book in the making….hint! hint!
Give my best to the others. Hope to see you all in Wilmington sometime soon. Take care!
So happy to read on MAD Monday newsletter that you are now blogging. The Sentinel has not been the same without your book reviews. I will bookmark and add you to my blogroll, if you don’t mind.
Thanks to all for sharing your thoughts, and, yes, please add to your blogrolls, bookmarks, etc.
A huge congratulations on your new blog, Nancy! I look forward to reading your posts and will spread the word!
It is good to see you writing about books again. The Sentinel book page hasn’t been the same since you left.
— Alicia Murray (disclosure: I’m a former Sentinel Online employee)
I read your debut but now I’ve JUST gotten back to you. Good luck with weeding all those books out. HA The cousins know you! At least you re-read/ I just save! I’ve just started Swan Thieves; don’t have anything else. Do you know anything about Bible of Clay? A bride told me it was good. The book club did a good job with Still Alice and this time it’s The Help, which we all loved. I need a book.
I still lie in bed and think of book plots. Hmmm, it’s just too hard to start. Still, Gail and I got great book material from Aunt C today at the hospital about her beautician that she had followed everywhere and refused to give up even when she heard that she sued EVERYBODY. But she’s now in prison for murdering her husband and Aunt C has to use someone that just cannot cut her wavy hair as good as the hairdresser -murderess! Once again you just can’t make this stuff up. Love ya MAM
I’m always interested in which authors people find “re-readable.” For example, I devoured everything Kurt Vonnegut wrote, the minute it was published, but found him impossible to re-read, leaving me with shelves of dust-covered Vonneguts. Larry McMurtry, on the other hand, begs to be read over and over, especially his Lonesome Dove quadrilogy (is that a word?). John Irving, I re-read. Anita Brookner, I can’t re-read. Pat Conroy, I re-read. Jodi Picault, I don’t.
Definite and eternal re-reads: Bill Bryson, Dave Barry, Carl Hiaasen, Garrison Keillor. All funny guys; I wonder if that’s a pattern?
Whom do you read and read again? I’d love to know…
One more thing – is there a period of time which has to pass before you can re-read something? For me, it’s two years. Then each time I re-read it I have to add one year. By the time I have certain really good books practically memorized (“Lonesome Dove” for example), I have to wait ten years. The last time I read Lonesome Dove, I was actually conscious of waiting for the time to pass, because I knew if I re-read it too soon, I wouldn’t enjoy it.
—And Vonnegut is the author I can read and re-read more than twice. Sometimes I’ll start thinking about a story, pick it up and I’m lost again.
My problem is when to give up on a book. That seldom happens, but when it does it leaves me feeling traitorous.
Hi Nancy! I am thrilled Commander Coconut listed your blog address in his column today. I have missed seeing you personally and reading your reviews. I signed up for your email a few minutes ago. I am also glad you are still in the world of books. Foggy brain or not books are the world’s salvation (as well as yours and mine). I don’t know what I would do if I could not read. If I lost my sight I would be in a pickle as I doubt there is too much out there in Braille that I haven’t read. I pity people who do not read for pleasure. Reading to learn is great and that is what my husband does but he is missing a great deal by not being entertained, provoked and thrilled by what is out there that one can read. Orlando misses you greatly. I took early retirement from “our” newspaper back in 2001 and haven’t missed the place at all. A few people yes, but the death of our newspaper is approaching (at least in my opinion). I cannot bear the thought of it as it was home for so many years. Who is going to do the investigative reporting? Who is going to go to bat for the wronged consumer? Who is going to photograph our little world in Orlando as well as the space industry? The radio industry sure can’t do most of that. So sad. But….we always have our books!!!! Glad to have found you again.
I’m really glad I found you again. I have missed reading your reviews in the Orlando Sentinel. It’s always great to get your next review via email!!
I really love your blog and thank you for sharing about your illness. I have a rare condition called Addison’s Disease (an auto immune disorder) and because of brain fog as well as weakness, GI problems and other issues went from a full time job to disability myself. It has not been an easy transition but blogging – when I can and where I can (lying down) has helped me to stay in touch with a part of me I thought I lost.
For those in the Orlando area, we at the Orange County Library system would LOVE to have you come to our monthly book club discussion at the Hiawassee Branch Library at 7391 W. Colonial Road, Orlando, FL 32818.
The Book Club meets the third Monday evening of every month at 6:30pm. The next meeting is February 21st and the book being discussed is “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks” by Rebecca Skloot.
The book for March is “Freedom” by Jonathan Franzen and will be discussed at 6:30pm on the evening of March 21st.
There is no required advance registration. Call the library at 407-835-7323 or visit our website at http://www.ocls.info for more information.
Kenneth Gibert
Branch Manager
Hiawassee Branch Library
http://www.ocls.info
Ken — this was blocked by spam until I discovered it today. Sounds like you have a good line-up for your book club.
Cheers! Nancy
Thanks, Nancy! Hopefully you or some of your local readers will be able to come to a discussion soon. They can call the library for more information at 407-835-7323.
Thanks for posting this…the more people we turn onto the joys of reading the better it is for everyone! 🙂
Good day,
I would bother to invite you to rummage into the tin. (http://parolesemplici.wordpress.com/mytinbox/)
I write with passion under the pseudonym of Jose Pascal and with great pleasure I invite you to visit the colletive writing blog “In simple words” and eventually publish /collaborate.
I define blog as “a tin box where they are kept virtuaculturale thoughts, memories and simple stories.”
To date, more than 100 friends / authors / contributors from all over the world have put their contributions into the italinglish tin box.
Please extend the invitation to anyone you believe has a passion for writing and easy reading.
Awaiting your response, I wish you a good life and I apologize if I disturbed.
Just found your blog
what a delight
I am fascinated and inspired by your story and have bookmarked your blog for frequent reading. Thanks for sharing your story.
rebeccanatale51@gmail.com
Excited I finally found you! Don’t know if I can read much with my headaches but it might be good for me! Good for you Nancy to keep going, with all your challenges. Anxious to start 🙂
Dear Nancy,
I am on an Alan Furst kick and just read a “praise” for “The World at Night” by you, written when you were still at the Sentinel. How I miss those days and your reviews! How I miss the Sentinel……now a shadow of its former self.
Am confused about your blog as comments about it seem to have been started in 2010 and skipping along to 2018. I found it by googling your name. I assume this is attributable to you and lupus. The fight continues and it looks like you continue to win the battle. Good for you.
My favorite authors these days are the aforementioned Furst, Donna Leon, Daniel Silva, Anna Quindlen, Louise Penney, Maggie O’Farrell, Amor Towles, Ann Patchett…and the list goes on. At nearly 91 and living at the old folks home (Village on the Green), reading is a huge part of my life……as it still is for you.
Looking forward to more blogs…..
Diana Coleman
Yes you ae missed as are so many of the past wonders. I too am jumping into my birthday number 91 in July! Reading, writing, swimming .. making noises with words is my daily activity. Mary Elizabeth McIlvane
Wonderful to see this blog, Nancy. Thanks for sharing it with us. Apologies for failing to see the link in your previous posts. Look forward to visiting the site often. And best wishes with your diagnosis. I work at Duke Health as a medical writer/editor. One of my beats is rheumatology. Write about lupus, scleroderma and related auto-immune challenges monthly. Even very senior physicians acknowledge the limits of treatment.